This week, a young lady asked me a familiar question, one that I had also asked before: How can I know if I have a relationship with God? Christians talk a lot about the importance of a relationship with God. As we should—it is the source of eternal life: “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3). Still, with all of our emphasis on a relationship, we are often left wondering if we have one.

One reason why we struggle is that we don’t know what we’re supposed to be looking for. What does a relationship with God look like? Interestingly, the Bible doesn’t offer a one-size-fits-all, formulaic type of relationship that all must have with God. In fact, the Bible uses several types of human relationships to describe our relationship with God. 

Different Types of Relationships

One of the more common relationship comparisons is between husband and wife, or bride and groom (Isaiah 62:5, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 19:6–9). Another is the father/ parent and child relationship (1 John 3:1, Hebrews 12:7, Luke 13:34). The Bible also uses friendship (Isaiah 41:8, James 2:23), and brothers (Matthew 28:10, John 20:17). Other, less common relationships (at least we do not always view these as relationships) is the healer and patient relationship (Exodus 15:26, Psalm 30:2, 103:3, Jeremiah 33:6) and our relationship with God as our Savior (2 Samuel 22:3, Jeremiah 17:14; Luke 2:11, 2 Timothy 1:10).

Why use so many different types of relationships rather than just one to reveal what God truly wants? Doesn’t God want, and expect, the same relationship with everyone? From my studies, this is my conclusion: More than anything, God wants a relationship with each one of us, but He does not expect the same relationship from us.

Not All The Same

Let me explain. I have met many Christians who struggle with viewing God as their Father. Why? For some, their father was abusive; for others, their father was absent. Either way, they did not have a good relationship with their earthly father so they didn’t know how to have such a relationship with God. Sadly, some gave up because they thought that was the only relationship they could have with God.

A lady recently expressed her desire to have a passionate loving relationship with God. She knew she loved God but didn’t know why she couldn’t have the passion she had witnessed in other people’s lives. I asked her if she had ever had a relationship like that with another person. She said she had, but it had burned her. Her previous bad experience was keeping her from having a deeper, more passionate relationship with God.

What Can You Give?

You see, the Bible uses these different types of relationships to describe what God wants with us because He knows that we are not all capable of having the same relationship with Him. Each of us has experienced good and bad relationships. Some of those bad experiences have damaged us to the point where it can be difficult, if not impossible, to trust enough to try such a relationship again. Whatever you can give, though, is what God wants.

Maybe you’ve never had a good friend, but you have a wonderful relationship with your brother—then God wants to be your Brother. Maybe your marriage was miserable and full of conflict and pain, but you have a wonderful relationship with your parents—then God wants to be your Parent. Whatever positive relationship you cherish the most here, God wants to have with you. 

Start Somewhere

Consider the thief on the cross (see Luke 23:40–43). What kind of relationship could he have had with Jesus? Yet, he was promised paradise. At best he was an acquaintance. However, at some point, while hanging on the cross next to Jesus, he was convinced Jesus was someone greater than himself. His request to Jesus to “remember me when you come into your kingdom,” revealed the beginning of a servant–master relationship. It may not have been much, but it was a start.

What about you? Do you have a desire to have a relationship with God? That’s a start! Then just do the things you do to build any other relationship: talk to Him, listen to Him, spend time with Him, etc. If you are doing these things with God, then you have a relationship with Him.

Could we all end up with the same type of relationship with God? Will we all, someday, be able to experience Him as Father, or Husband, or Friend? It’s possible—when we are in heaven and God is able to fully show us what a good father, husband, and friend can be. Until then, we may be limited by our bad relationships and can only give God our brokenness. The good news is that God will accept whatever you can give. It may not look like everyone else’s relationship, but it doesn’t have to—it’s yours.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash